i was sitting tonight in my bathtub. thinking about things, about everything. not feeling too great and just detached from everything. 

it took me back to times when everything wasn’t so great. when the darkness had me in its depths and i felt like there was truly no escape. this was a year and seven months ago. 

a year and seven months ago that i was sitting for two hours in a bathtub, crying, scratching myself trying anything to get out of my own skin. with my ex boyfriend shouting at me to stop being so fucking stupid, to get my life together, to stop being so pathetic. 

two hours of feelings numb and empty and completely detached from the world. i don’t think tonight i have ever got out of the bath quicker. i don’t want to go back to where i was. i can’t go back to the person i used to be when my head was a mess and my body felt broken. 

most days i still feel detached from the world outside. most days i don’t know how to feel anymore. but it’s only most days, it’s not everyday. and even that is a slight improvement. 

things are looking up, i am a better person for everything that has happened over the space of five years. i will get there, most days turn into very few days, even if i never will be truly healed.

Baby, look at me now, I have come so far – Bathtub // The Front Bottoms

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