it’s time. ten days to go until my first exam.

to put it politely I am absolutely shitting myself. when I was in school I managed to study my arse off and still fail all of my exams bar one which I scraped a C in. what if that happens this year? what if I fail and I have no hope for getting into college next year never mind uni.

there are a lot of ‘what ifs’ in my head. mostly bad. what if I fail, what if I make loads of stupid mistakes, what if I let myself down along with everyone else, what if I don’t get into uni, what if my family are disappointed in me.

maybe it is just the way my mind works that I think of all the negatives before the positives. I should be thinking, what if I pass my exams, what if I make everyone including myself proud, what if I get into uni and can become a qualified nurse.

I’m stressed out to say the least. I’m trying so hard to not let it get to me but it is. I’m trying to fit all of my studying in whilst also having time to myself. when I begin to feel confident I go into a class and realize that I don’t know as much as I think I do.

every time I have an exam I tend to sit down and forget everything that I have ever learned. I feel like my mind is a blank slate so I try to write anything I can think of. but as soon as I leave that hall it all comes flooding back to me and I realize how much of an idiot I sound.

I am in a better place to what I was when I first sat my exams before. I hope this benefits me and I don’t make such a mistake as I did last time. I have tried so hard this year to juggle everything else that has been going on but I’m getting there.

I’m terrified of exams. I’m stressed and I don’t think I’m feeling quite prepared. but all I can do is my best and that is what I plan. at the end of the day, I can’t do better than my best. 

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