I don’t think I’ve ever really liked myself. I don’t know why but it seems that there isn’t a lot to like.
I used to look in the mirror and used to cry. I used to feel sick at the sight of myself. on some days I still do, and that is such a hard thing to deal with. I used to try to not eat and I used to feel like I was going to be sick after every meal. I didn’t want to be the way I was. the way I am.
people say that you need to love yourself before you can love anyone else. I myself think that this is wrong. I don’t love myself and I dont think I ever will, but I pour all of those feelings into other people. to make them feel special and to make them feel like they’re worth something.
some days I wake up and I look at myself and wonder how anyone could love that. how anyone would want to wake up next to that in the morning. but I have someone who fills me with so much joy that when I wake up with them I never have those feelings. and I think that is pretty extraordinary.
I feel worthless and that I couldn’t ever get anywhere in life. but I have peaks and I am on top of the world and I am a shining diamond against everyone who has ever hurt me or put me down. I know that I shouldn’t think this way and I wish could snap out of it but I can’t.
I deserve more than to wallow in self hate and sometimes I need to remember that.