when people ask me what I regret I tend to go for the common answer of “oh I don’t regret anything.” that’s normally just to throw them off. I don’t want to admit what I regret in fear of being judged or even worse accused of seeking attention.
the thing I regret most is attempting to kill myself. I think about it a lot when my mind is often wandering to how much of a stupid girl I was. it’s funny to think your life could have ended if it wasn’t for someone else making you throw up tablets in a park, and that it was only a year ago. when you’re supposed to be better and that’s what everyone thinks.
the thing is I can’t even remember what was going through my head, mostly that I just wanted the pain to end. it’s not the first time, but it will be the last. I have always said that i wouldn’t try because it would cause devastation to my family and the people around me. and I regret that I tried because I know that even thinking no one cared was a lie and i would have hurt so many people.
I wish I could turn back time and not take those tablets. I’m still here and I’m glad I’m still here. I couldn’t stand the thought that I could have torn my whole family apart all because I couldn’t handle life at that moment in time.