failure is one of the biggest fears that I have. minus the dentist and heights.
I have set myself goals and I am so set on achieving them. but what if I don’t? what if I’m not good enough? what if?there are so many bad what it’s that makes life as a pessimist very hard. I never seem to think about the positives – what if I do succeed, what if I do get my grades, what if I do manage to make people happy.
I guess since school I’ve felt like I’ve failed not only myself but those around me. my parents expected high things from me when I first sat my exams, but I let my life get in the way and I failed all three, leaving me with no qualifications , yet I still had a place in college. that was a positive but I still only saw the negatives. I cried for ages, so ashamed that I had let everyone down including myself.
that wasn’t the case. my dad has always told me that no matter what I have tried my best and that is good enough for him. I love him to bits but I’m not sure that will always be true. what if I fail this year and don’t get into uni, he’s spent time taking me to interviews and sharing my excitement with offered. all of that would be wasted and I’d have to try again.
on my bad days I have always seen myself as a failure. I have always felt like I can’t make people happy as I can’t make myself happy. I had a hard time to believe in myself recently due to work. my boss is always on my case although for the first 5 months I was there everything was fine. I was made to feel like I just wasn’t good enough. this then made me doubt that I was ever going to get anywhere. it’s frustrating that these things can have such a toll.
I now that deep down I can achieve the things that I want to. however when I am having a bad day I can’t see myself achieving anything.
I don’t want to fear failure, I want to feel as if I can achieve anything I put my mind to, maybe that will all come with time.