there is that feeling when it gets to a certain point at night and you are just overwhelmed with sadness.
usually I’m okay I can tend to go to sleep early and be fine, but when I can’t sleep I seem to hit the same point when I am just stuck in a feeling of sadness. or emptiness. I’m not quite sure what one is worse.
I wish that I wasn’t the type of person to over analyze every single detail. but I am. and I hate it. you think back to when you were young and something happened and if maybe you had changed that your life wouldn’t be the way it was now.
in a way life not being the same as it was now has its good points and has its bad points. I guess that through everything I am a tad grateful for everything that has happened. if I hadn’t been so sad and stuck in my own depression I wouldn’t have the aspirations that I have now and I wouldn’t have the few people in my life who actually care about me.
I always catch myself thinking, it’s weird that I could be starting university in September. a year and a half ago I couldn’t even get out of bed. and damn that’s an achievement.
I wish that everything could just be consistent. I wish that my feelings were just mellow. I don’t wish for complete happiness anymore because I know that is not going to happen.
I know that there has to be some bad days, I just want them not to be AS bad. I stopped wishing to be happy and just wishing to be okay.