Dear cancer, I hate you. I know I’m not the only one.

I have tried my hardest to try and forget you exist but there you are at every corner. Getting your grips into family members and people I care about, why is that fair?

I thought it was bad enough when my nana was too scared about a lump on her neck to get it checked out, by the time she plucked up the courage it was too late. Three months, that was it. Diagnosis to death. It is fucking horrible.

I wasn’t in a good place at the time, I really wasn’t, and you had to make that worse. Thank you. Really how can I ever repay you?

Oh wait I know how, after losing his wife you then decided to attack my papa, great. However, he was lucky, the doctors caught you. But you just don’t give up do you? After removing his kidney, you just grow a tumour there in the place that it was. Shame on you.

Nearly a year ago I ran the race for life in memory of my nana and for my papa fighting. I managed to raise £500 and damn that is a good feeling, but it never fills the hole you have left inside of me.

I’m trying, I really am. Every day I wake up and I think of my nana. She was a massive part of my life and that will never go away. It’s the small things in life. You never truly realise how important people are to you in life until they are gone. Cliché I know, but it is the truest saying. From going to see someone once every week to being in their house and their presence is missed it just isn’t the same.

I believe in cancer research; I also believe in donating money to McMillan every year. Because when you were leaving your poison there was around the clock nurses there to support my nana and also my family. They set up a hospital bed in her house so that she was comfortable when you finally took her life away.

I know so many people these days who their worlds are torn apart when a family member has cancer. In this day and age, I know it is becoming more likely that people will survive but it is still a massive shock to the system.

I wish that I could say that after nearly 3 years I am coping with my nana being gone. But I’m not, I am really not okay with it at all. Every time I’m in her house I imagine her in her chair with a drink in her hand and a smile on her face. When something good happens I imagine ringing her to tell her, but I can’t, and it really sucks.

However, cancer, you may have taken my beautiful nana too soon, but she still lives on in our hearts and in our memories. Not to mention she is planed with a lily (her favourite flower) so that every summer she comes back to life again through some other form.

So cancer, this is it from me, fuck you.

 

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